Saturday, May 17, 2014

We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated.

The other day Anthony told me I was like a drug addict going through withdrawal this week.  I have been really struggling.  Smiling and laughing one minute and in tears just miserable the next...Embarrassing.  While I was given the "ok" to ride easy for maintenance, coach Marni just had me swim and walk a lot this week.  I am happy to give my body the opportunity to heal while still allowing it to move, but it is used to moving A LOT more.  Tomorrow is my first ride in what feels like FOREVER!!  Wow, did I have a week of UPS AND DOWNS!! One minute I am hopeful about getting back to training and getting to Placid happy and healthy and the next minute I think the doctor is going to tell me NO WAY.  I feel really good and then my glute is in pain and my leg is tingly.  It's terrible and I am SO ANXIOUS for my follow up doctors apppointment on Wednesday.  Anthony thinks I am crazy for self diagnosing myself, but I am pretty sure it is NOT a disc herniation or bulge, but rather "just" piriformis syndrome...we will see... (clearly I am qualified to make this diagnoses..... ;))  In the meantime, I am doing my best to not be defeated by this set back.

I am a VERY positive person but even being so optimistic and positive, it is easy to get down in situations like this where I have no answers and no control over the situation.  All I can do is try to listen to my body and move it as much as I can without hurting it more until the doc gives me a true diagnoses.  The moment during the Monticelloman race when my glute first had such bad pain and my leg started tingling and going numb was a heart-breaking moment for me.  I have since slowly changed my thought process a bit.  I was starting to have really high expectations of myself for Raleigh which would surely turn into me having really high expectations of myself at Placid.  Kind of crazy to have high expectations during your FIRST Ironman.  Perhaps this is the Universe's way of telling me to take a step back and remember why I am doing this and to enjoy the journey with less focus on numbers and expectations.

I love endurance sports.  I love all the training days and I love race day.  I love challenging myself and getting to know myself better along the way.  I love how mental endurance sports are.  And so I am trying to respect the ups and downs of this journey.  I have SO many more training seasons ahead of me to be healthy and uninjured, so if I can mentally get through this one, that will make all the others that much easier.  And if I can manage to get to the start line on July 27, this obstacle will make IMLP so much more special.  I may finish an hour or an hour and a half slower than I would have if I didn't lose this training time, but those 140.6 miles will be so well earned and the journey that I will have to reflect on will get me over all of the ups and downs that are bound to happen during an Ironman.  

It is not easy, but I am learning to dance in this rain.  I have never had to drop a race from my schedule and in order to keep a smile on my face I have had to search for and remind myself of all the positive things that are coming out of this injury.  There aren't many, but I have found enough to get me through.  I will stare this injury in the face and I will come out on the other side stronger than ever.  I have 10 weeks to get 100% healthy and get some serious training under my belt for Lake Placid, so assuming the doctor gives me the go ahead to start training hard again (with a few more weeks off running) in conjunction with PT (which I already have scheduled out through July!), I am SO ready to reset my focus and get back in gear.   FINGERS CROSSED that the doctor has some good news on Wednesday.

IN OTHER NEWS:  Anthony and I coached my BFF, Nicole, for the Brooklyn Half.  We could not be more proud of her race execution today.  She negative split and finished "hungry for more"!!  Going into training, one of our main goals was to come out of this race wanting to keep running, not burnt out and "over it" and that was a huge success!  I am so so so proud of all the work Nicole put in with a really hard training plan and a negative split!!! It takes a smart and patient runner to negative split a race... Nicole you rocked and you should be so proud of all of the work you put in and the outcome!!

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